THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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