i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
