Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Randomize
