kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
