Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Randomize
