I love watching others lives come down to our level.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
