Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
