Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
