how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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