If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
