i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
