I just made out with a guy for $7.
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
