it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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