The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
