How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
