Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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