I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
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something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
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