If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
