Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
