I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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