I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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