Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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