Define "chronic" masturbator.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize