U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
