I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
