He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
