I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Randomize
