I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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