getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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