At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
