He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Shame - the story of my life.
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