someone get that fucking seahorse.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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