When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
