he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
