have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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