Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize