Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Farmville is her only friend.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
