so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
