hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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