just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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