bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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