I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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