She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
