Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
