how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
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You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
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Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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