my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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