You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
