i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
