God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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