shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
