i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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