I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
