I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
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Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
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After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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