apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
