I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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