I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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