i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize
