how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
