Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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