you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I don't deserve a penis
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
