who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
