Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
