Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
