this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Randomize
